Despite facing a barrage of criticism Ralph Nader has decided to run for President in the fall election. Following the presidential election debacle four years ago he's hoping that this year's election turns out fair and square and he loses for real.
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Investment banker Theodore Natham told his clients today that he was very pleased with the coming dividend of their substantial contribution to the presidential campaign of Howard Dean.
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Responding to various recent threats directed at the western maritime industry the Pentagon in a press conference today vowed to hunt down and eliminate all of the 28 ships suspected of being commanded by Al Qaeda.
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The US Food and Drug Administration has released a statement warning consumers and farmers of another farmyard disease outbreak in the United States. The problem was discovered when a veterinarian was called to the scene of some rather odd sexual incidents on a farm north of Elkins, West Virginia Wednesday.
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Al Qaeda members all across the world celebrated the US announcement today to put armed marshals on all international flights to and from US international hubs.
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In the wake of last month's bombings in Afghanistan in which fifteen kids were disintegrated in the hunt for a one-legged alleged Al-Qaeda member on permission leave from thumbscrew camp to celebrate his nephew's seventh birthday, the Pentagon today issued a written statement addressing the matter.
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Five days after descending upon the Martian surface the last ever John Kerry supporter is still unheard from.

Ruling out weather and internal clock issues as possible explanations for the failure in communication the European space agency in conjunction with Democratic leaders in the US now believe embarrassment to be the most plausible reason for the radio silence.
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