Caution

That is to say: This is a satirical news website. Precious little of the information appearing on this site holds any truth whatsoever. Most (if not all) of the interviews portrayed on this website never occurred because either the people interviewed don't exist or they are public figures who would never speak to a small time humor website that would probably just make fun of them anway. In the unlikely event that the fictional news on this website intersects with reality it can be assumed that said intersection is complete coincidence.

I can't tell you how much it pains me to have to put a disclaimer on this ridiculous website. Knowing that there are people out there whose reading comprehension is so low that they need to e-mail us threatening a lawsuit over the use of their town name in a fictitious humor story keeps me awake at night. Not from concern over any future legal issues but because these humorless fucks probably procreate like rabbits and then sit Lord and Master over some poor, terrified family the members of which will never be allowed a free thought much less an unfettered spoken word. Late at night, these thoughts unsettle my soul in such a way that can only be soothed by the calming effects of Jack Daniels®. As I drift off into a drunken slumber I dream of the day when those kids are reluctantly allowed to leave home for college where they will suddenly become free to look for the feeling that laughter brings. Unfortunately, they'll be so oblivious to what that feels like that they will, in lieu of laughter, become addicted to drugs and anonymous sex only to flunk out and end up back in the house of the man who started all of this in the first place. Good luck children, good luck.